When i grow up.

I've come to the conclusion that the majority of adults don't know how to interact with children, so they usually default back to the most typical question: 'What do you want to be when you grow up?'
I didn't like the question, cause i never had an answer. For some reason, i always thought there were only 5 available jobs. Doctor, teacher, veterinarian, dentist, and grocery store cashier. No thanks, noo thanks, nope, NOOOOOOOOOONEVER, and maybe. Apparently i couldn't grasp the idea that there are thousands of jobs, so i figured my fate fell in scanning and bagging groceries since all the other jobs involved blood and i wasn't down for that. Oh, and there was the job of pilot. But my brother called dibs, so i was screwed.
One of my main aims used to be making my parents proud. I didn't want to just make them proud. I wanted to floor them with my talents. It never worked out quite like i planned. I made the winning goal on my hockey team and got some bragging rights, but then i got schooled on how i need to pass more. I aced a test and got a high five, but then i was asked if i'd used the answer book to cheat. I cleaned my room without being told, only to have a speck of dust pointed out on my floor and get told it was looking 'alright'.
I guess making my parents proud is still one of my goals to some extent. The only difference now is that i know I don't have any unbelievable, shock worthy talents and i don't get my hopes up.
I've never known what i want to be when i grow up, and it bugged/bugs me. A lot. It seems like everyone else i know at least has a dream. I like an idea for one day, and within hours, i'm completely over it. I always thought it was completely unnaturally to be this way, cause my brother knew what he wanted to do when he was 5, and now he's doing it. He started his flying lessons when he was 10. Yeah, imagine a 10 year old hopping in a cockpit. Regardless of there being an instructor present, that's still mind blowing. But he did it. He now goes to one of the most expensive colleges in the US. My parents will never regret the money they dish out for his education, cause he doesn't disappoint them.
Let's look at my life now.
Home schooling me was what gave my mother the majority of her grey hair. I never liked education and i did anything i could to get out of it. That doesn't mean i wasn't smart. I managed to get all A's and one C throughout my entire 12 years of school. My parents thought i was also on the path to huge success. But then came college. What a joke. 4 classes, 4 F's. No effort, no motivation, no encouragement, no more college. I was done. That single semester took every last bit of fight out of me. My parents, as well as other circumstances with someone i love, killed me. I had never felt so much disappointment. I knew if i went back and tried again, i'd do it all over and pile on more disappointment. So i gave up. Something i swore i'd never do.
I gave up on trying to succeed in anything. I sat back and relaxed on this roller coaster we call life. It didn't make me feel any better, though i never expected it would. It was just easier. And it was my first big mistake. I stopped trying. I stopped caring. I stopped being me. I really thought i had nothing great to live for.
The only thing keeping me going was my boyfriend. His love was my motivation, and his smile was my goal. Still is. No matter how horrible my day has been, i feel like it's all worth it when he wraps me up in his arms. He's the one who got me back on track. He doesn't push me into education like my parents do. He encourages me to want something more for my life.
So, thanks to his gentle prodding, i think i've found a career path that i'm ready and motivated to take.


When i grow up, i want to be a psychiatrist.