Useless ranting.

I'm so used to going with the flow of life. I never think to stop and ask myself if half the things I do are worth it. I wait until the end to find out. Not the greatest life tactic, because I normally end up at least somewhat hurt.
I'm currently chasing the person I love. I'd like to know my efforts will pay off and it'll end in happy ever after, but honestly, I don't know anymore.
There's only so much I can do. I love on him like there's no tomorrow. I was never good at portraying my love to him, but I'm trying my hardest now. I don't receive a lot back. And that's discouraging beyond belief.
Anyone who knows about my situation is telling me it's all a waste. But, people should know by now that that'll make me try harder.
I don't want to try harder to prove them wrong though. I want to go all out because I want him more than anything else.

I think I've lost him though. He's changing a lot. Especially now that he's 21. Bars are the new thing. If he and I were together, I wouldn't be so scared every time he goes out. But knowing he's not mine, I get this knot in my stomach. My heart tells me it'll be okay, but my head tells me there are beautiful girls everywhere.
He reassures me sometimes, but I can't say I believe him 100%. I've been lied to enough by so many people. I have trust issues. And I can't help but remember when he cheated on me. I asked him if he'd cheated, and he blatantly said no. Not just once, but 3 times. I had gained nearly all my trust back, but this break up has demolished most of it again.

Deep down, I know it's done. I'd never admit that out loud, cause I'm in denial.
Devin and I are just very different people. I'm the kind to embrace every flaw and difference, but I know Devin well enough to know he wouldn't want to handle me forever.

I'm beating myself up over love.
How stupid can I be.

This rant has officially ended.